All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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