there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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