Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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