Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
