I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
