my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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