I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
