I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
