Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
