just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
