We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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