I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
