Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
