In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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