Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
