Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
