oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
