people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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