It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
