last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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