Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
