And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
