Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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