you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
