Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
