dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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