loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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