I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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