My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
