Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
