FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
