Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
