god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
