I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
