Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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