Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
