hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
