WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize