Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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