Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
