I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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