sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
