The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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