She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
