My girlfriend figured out who you are.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
