I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
