Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
