Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
