He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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