Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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