I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
