I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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