i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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