I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
