You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
