Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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