just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
