i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
