he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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