Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
