its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
